Paige Smith | Get back to the level of fluency that makes you happy

When it really matters, you struggle to say what you want without stuttering.

You also hold back from saying what you want for the fear of stuttering.

Life has taught you that it’s not OK to stutter. Speaking has become a matter of life and death.

Never letting your guard down, you mentally anticipate and plan out every word you say. You’re frustrated, exhausted, and resent that you stutter.

But you’re a fighter, always pushing to do the very best you can. You try to hide how much stuttering bothers you, but the truth is, you’re worried about your future.

You feel anxious about your limited job opportunities and income potential because you lack fluency when you need it most in those important moments.

Lucky to have a job, you’re depressed going to it everyday…it’s not what you want to be doing but it allows you to speak very little, if at all.

It’s hard not to think of stuttering as a curse. It’s really messed up the vision you have for yourself — of being a happy and successful person.

You’re terrified that if you don’t do something about your speech, you’ll never reach your full potential. And you're left wondering if it’s even possible for things to change at your age and this stage of life.

I know all of this because I was you. And yes, it's possible to put stuttering behind you. I'm living proof.

You know the fluency shaping skills and techniques inside and out but they just don’t work in the real world.

I'm not knocking down speech therapy. Actually, it lays a great foundation in which to build on. It's not that speech therapy doesn't work, it's just that in the long term it doesn't last if you don't work at it.

It's been my observation that most people, including myself, at the time of completing a speech therapy intensive program, are not always equipped with the additional skills needed to keep motivated through the stress and typical ups and downs of life.

So what happens is a relapse: the worst place to be. It's either a slow drip or a fast and furious feeling of panic and despair — a downward spiral of everything you've worked for go down the drain.

Even though in my mind I knew I could go back for more help, somehow I believed they would be disappointed in me that I was not living up to their expectations...and felt like a failure for needing help again.

But it's not your fault. Really! If speech therapy failed to work for you, know that you’re not alone in this. Want to know why this happened?

Because there’s so much more going on beneath the surface of your stutter, beyond the physical mechanics of speech. Stuttering isn’t just about one factor — it’s many factors that come together.

Speech therapy alone is simply not able to address all of these factors effectively. This is why thinking that speech therapy is the one-stop-shop solution to all of your problems doesn’t work.

What you need is a holistic solution that helps you learn about and address every cause affecting fluency (because you do have fluency, it’s just that there are other issues getting in the way).

What's also needed is a solution that helps you grow in the areas by practicing the skills that are the must-have ingredients for changing behaviour: discipline, consistency, resilience and much more.

The good news, all of these traits are learnable. Just like most other traits, no one is born with these skills and habits, so you can learn and grow into them at your own pace.

To recover from stuttering, it's a long game…like a marathon, not a sprint. And like any great athlete, they didn't get where they are on their own.

I know it's not an easy road doing self-help therapy alone. Diving deep into knowledge and 'knowing' what to do, only gets you so far and then you get stuck again. Plus, it gets lonely and it's easy to give up on yourself when no one is watching!

I understand first-hand how challenging stuttering can impact your life — especially professionally.

There was a pivotal moment in my career as a Graphic Designer when a client laughed in my face because I struggled to say my name when asked to introduce myself.

Ouch! 😞 This devastated me so much I ended up changing my name.

For years, I shied away from situations at work that required me to speak — so much so that my stutter became a real barrier to my professional growth.

I know I'm not alone. I read a survey where 70% of people who stutter agreed that stuttering decreases one's chances of being hired or promoted.

I turned down a promotion for Art Director at an award-winning digital agency because I couldn’t handle the intense pressure, stress and anxiety to speak and deliver presentations to clients (trying not to stutter all. the. time was exhausting!) 😱

Falling into the trap of saying “I can’t because I stutter” has cost me tens of thousands of 💰💰💰 and earning potential.

Let’s just say, I don’t want this to happen to you!

This is why my journey pivoted from graphic design to earning my certification as a professional coach in April 2021. I've become the person who I only wish existed when I needed help as a young adult and working professional.

How did speech therapy work out for me? In the short-term, it worked.

But in the long-term, it was the underlying negative thoughts and feelings that chipped away at any fluency I'd gained.

My origin story is when I started stuttering around the age 4, after experiencing two traumatic events that brought on significant psychological distress. First, I almost drowned in a pool and second, was bit by an Uncles dog.

At age 19, I finally had the opportunity (and $$$) for speech therapy — to get rid of my stutter “once and for all” at a 3-week intensive speech therapy (fluency shaping) program.

I had my first taste of fluency, but it was bitter-sweet, because it didn't last long before I relapsed and it became even worse than ever.

The picture above is me several years later after the program when I donated my artwork to ISTAR, the Institute of Stuttering Treatment and Research in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

It's funny, you would never know from the smile on my face that I felt anything less than happy. I now see the mask I was wearing. Back then, it was so ingrained in me to put on a facade and hide what I was truly feeling.

I’ve since learned that there are so many other factors at play when maintaining fluent speech, and in this way, I believe the speech therapy program failed to set me up for success in the long-term.

Don’t get me wrong, speech therapy does have a role to play in the treatment of stuttering…but only about 15%, not the entire equation.

In fact, it's unfortunately common (and predictable) that I failed to maintain fluency after speech therapy. According to a survey done by the National Stuttering Association (May 2009), one key finding was that 84% experienced a relapse after improving their fluency in therapy.

I know the pain and frustration of relapse after speech therapy. This is why I'm now a dedicated coach to support stuttering relapse and recovery.

Stuttering isn’t just about one factor — it’s many factors that come together.

What I’ve learned is that the dissolution of stuttering needs a holistic approach, where you understand and address every factor influencing your fluency.

During my 9-month coach training, I learned about the Wheel of Life and that you and everything in your life is interconnected. This makes sense for stuttering as well, as it affects every part of your being.

A big part of feeling out of control is not understanding why you stutter — when you’ve told yourself a million times not to stutter.

Through an intense process of self-reflection, research and study, I’ve identified several factors that not only start stuttering but more importantly, keep it alive. When you stutter, it's due to factors that are unique to you.

Once you start working with these factors (not against them), everything starts to change (I know because I'm living proof!). These 7 Fluency Factors are: Temperament, Body, Relationships, Emotions, Mind, Environment and Behaviour.

Knowing the factors that influence your stutter in any given moment, gives you perspective to make new choices that help you, not hinder or hold you back.

With self-awareness and confidence, true power comes from knowing yourself so that you’re in control of the driver seat, not your stutter.

The heart of my coaching lies in the success stories of those I've had the privilege of working with.

My client Jason came to me when he found himself at a crossroad in life. His dream was to get a Masters degree but was plagued with insecurity and self-doubt, hesitating to put in his application. Not because he wasn’t smart and motivated, but because Jason stuttered (since the age of 7).

Every waking moment Jason experienced great fear and anxiety, trying so hard not to stutter. Being hyper-vigilant and hiding his stutter from others, he was exhausted. Jason worried he wasn’t ready to handle the amount of speaking and oral presentations it was going to require to get his Masters degree.

While working together, specific thoughts emerged behind Jason’s feelings of fear and anxiety around his stutter: “How am I going to be taken seriously?”, “How am I going to be the successful person I want to be?”, “How is this possible if I’m not confident in the way I speak?”

Suffering from long-time shame and guilt, Jason beat himself up with negative self-talk, judgment and criticism, concerned that others would judge him as ‘not capable’ because he stuttered.

The catalyst for Jason to move beyond his comfort zone to confront his fear with stuttering came down to this: “I don’t want to look back when I’m older and feel like I settled and didn’t reach my potential.”

Through coaching and self-reflection, Jason made the time and space to personally grow, especially around his beliefs and mindset. Together we created a step-by-step plan to help him achieve his goal of passing the 3-hour interview process. We did mock interviews in advance so he got practice before the big moment. This helped him feel in control as he made progress (not perfection).

To be honest, Jason admits there are still moments when he sinks back down into insecure thoughts and feelings. But now it's different, as he's developed new skills and tools to take him faster out of a negative downward spiral when it does happen.

Fast forward to now and Jason is close to finishing up an internship and earning his Masters degree. Armed with knowledge and a better understanding of himself, he’s found greater empathy and self-acceptance within.

Realizing you can’t control what other people think about you, he’s putting people-pleasing behind him. Staying focused on his goals and working toward what he wants helped Jason move forward with confidence.

I no longer think and stop what I’m going to say or how I’m going to say it.

For the most part, this is true. But I do still have a few hiccups here and there, and experience moments of disfluency in my speech. However unlike before, this happens not nearly as often, and not nearly as severely.

Stuttering no longer controls me like it used to, and this is success — not 100% fluency.

I'm a highly fluent person who can go about my business and personal life, doing what I need to do. Situations that were once scary and impossible are now doable, as I can speak with greater confidence, ease and flow.

Without the burden of stuttering, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, freeing up energy to focus on other aspects of my life.

A few fun facts about me:

• I can’t help but blink and mess up every picture taken of me (that’s why there are so very few pictures on this website 🤣).

• I have no self control when chocolate is in the house so my husband hides it and brings it out for special moments (thanks sweetie!).

• On my TV watchlist are shows about survival, murder mysteries, conspiracy theories, science fiction and end-of-the world movies.

• In less than 24 hours, I went to Las Vegas by myself to see Hall & Oates in concert (having a stutter didn't help when a customs officer pulled me aside for questioning at the airport).

• I’m terrible at loading the dishwasher. It’s the bone of contention in my marriage.

• At any given moment, I’m either hot or cold. I'm pretty much like goldilocks trying to find just the right temperature.

I'm still a human being that is perfectly imperfect.

"Paige helped me realize a lot about my mindset and the steps required to overcome a fixed mindset."

I initially got in touch with Paige to address my stuttering, but I soon realized that there were quite a few underlying issues such as self talk, self image, self worth, etc. that were to be dealt with — before dealing with the surface issue of stuttering.

Working with Paige has been extremely fruitful and an absolute pleasure. She has helped me realize a lot about my mindset, and the steps required to overcome a fixed mindset.

One of the most important things she helped me understand is the difference between doing something out of fear and doing something that you truly WANT to do.

Paige has been a friend, a mentor and a coach to me — which is a rare combination!

DIV, India