Published by Paige Smith on 14/02/2024
Like a snowflake, every person who stutters, does so in a way that is unique to them. Even though there might be similarities, no two people stutter in the exact same way, or more importantly, for the exact same reasons.
It’s these differences that influence your speech to create variable fluency, moment to moment. Stuttering is not a static disorder; it’s dynamic and can fluctuate from day-to-day, and this is because YOU are dynamic and not a static being. Your feelings and thoughts can fluctuate from day-to-day and so your stutter can also fluctuate from day-to-day. One day you might have good fluency and then the next day you struggle to get the words out.
I remember how frustrating this used to be. Because you never knew what your speech would sound like from day to day — or even from one situation to the next. This unpredictability is nerve-wracking!
You might always feel on-guard and hyper-vigilant to “not stutter”. I know only too well this feeling, this ‘knowing’ when you’re going to stutter. It brings uncomfortable feelings of being out of control — which only makes you try even harder, trying to get back control. If your self-esteem is attached to how fluent you are on any given day. You will pass judgment on whether you’re having a good speech day or a bad speech day. Either way, your self-esteem will either be pumped up, or deflated.
So let’s explore what’s behind this…
For the last few years, I’ve worked passionately to understand stuttering on a deeper level. Through my own first-hand experience with stuttering, research and intensive study, I’ve identified several factors that play a part in the experience of stuttering.
I call these the 7 Fluency Factors, which are working beneath the surface of your stutter to contribute to covert and variable fluency. Imagine a wheel or a pie, and each factor is the spoke or wedge that makes up the whole. These factors are: Temperament, Environment, Relationships, Thoughts, Feelings, Body and Behaviour.
All of these factors work together to influence your overall health and well-being, your self-esteem and self-expression. When you know these factors then you can have the clarity for self-awareness, make new choices and take different steps to boost your speaking confidence.
Ok, let’s begin…
Do you find yourself to be cautious or hold back? Do you prefer to be introspective? Do you have high standards and hate making mistakes? There's nothing wrong with any of these attributes. It just might be part of your inborn nature.
I hesitate to suggest there is a "stuttering personality". But by observing myself and working 1:1 with clients, I’ve come to see three personality traits that tend to play a role in stuttering. Of course, these traits exist on a spectrum and range in various degrees for each person.
1. Sensitivity
Approximately 15-20 percent of the population exhibits varying levels of sensitivity. Being highly sensitive is an inborn trait that is hardwired into the nervous system. Hardwired, meaning it’s deeply part of your biological make-up and not something you can just talk yourself out of.
If you’re a sensitive individual, your heightened level of sensory information leads to deeper emotional experiences. You may find certain speaking situations and the emotions associated with them, overstimulating and overwhelming. You might feel as if you’re “drowning” and everything is “too much.”
Please understand, there is nothing “weak” or wrong about being a highly sensitive person. It just means that emotional and sensory overload can affect your fluency, leading to stuttering.
2. Introversion
Introverts comprise an estimated 25 to 40 percent of the general population. Once again, an introverts’ brain is also wired differently, meaning they operate with a different nervous system than extraverts. This type of temperament runs on an energy-conserving nervous system. What this means is that if you’re an introvert.
You might find yourself having limited energy or desire for socializing. You might prefer to spend time alone or with a small group of close friends and family. You might feel very uncomfortable when introducing yourself or giving presentations. Such situations require an individual to project themselves outward into the world, which can be challenging for introverts. And if you feel uncomfortable, feel forced and pressured to be more extraverted than you naturally are, this can also affect your fluency.
3. Perfectionism
Approximately 30% of the general population displays perfectionistic tendencies. Perfectionism is the desire to appear or be perfect. Perfectionism is tricky, as it can be both perceived as a positive and negative trait.
In a positive light, with perfectionism, you may have high standards for yourself and want to present the best side of yourself. This can be very beneficial in achieving desired results, as this is rewarded in society and can take you far in areas of your life, such as career.
In a negative light, perfectionism tends to be more of a safety behavior, especially when it comes to stuttering. You believe that if you present yourself as “perfect” and “fluent”, then you will be “safe” from criticism and rejection that might come from peers, parents, teachers, or authority figures.
You use perfectionism as a self-protective shield, for the exact reason that you have most likely been socially and publicly criticized, and rejected for stuttering in the past. It’s normal and common to use perfectionism as a cover up, for hiding, for fear of being perceived as “less than” others due to stuttering.
One way that perfectionism shows up is in over-prepping before any speaking engagement, getting ready to speak as fluently as possible. Or even not speaking, to keep up the illusion of fluency. At some point you picked up the covert (or overt) message that it was “not OK to stutter”. So all of this “prepping” and hiding is done to avoid making “stutter mistakes” in your speech.
In summary…
It’s important to acknowledge these temperament traits within yourself, if these resonate with you. This allows you to embrace your nature, and to start working with it, instead of against it. By acknowledging and appreciating the role of sensitivity, introversion, and perfectionism, you start to give yourself permission to be YOU which leads to genuine self-acceptance.
Do certain people, places, or objects tend to make you stutter more? For instance, do you stutter more in these situations: Around an authority figure? On a job interview? When talking on the phone? If so, you are experiencing triggers in your environment.
What are triggers? Triggers are anything that evokes an automatic and emotional reaction. It can be words, persons, events, or experiences. And these triggered reactions might leave you feeling: unsettled, nervous, or filled with dread, fear, and anxiety. These reactions can happen anytime, anywhere, but for most people you’re either at home, school, and/or work.
At home you may find you stutter more around certain family members. Maybe it’s your parents, or maybe another relative or friend. Or maybe your speech is fine at home, but you find yourself stuttering more at school
At school if you found school challenging when you were young. You might still find oral exams and public speaking presentations challenging in post-secondary education. School may have been a place where you were singled out as ‘different’. You might have been bullied, teased or ridiculed by your peers. And it’s not easy to “just forget” these traumatic experiences, now that you’re an adult.
At work if you’re now out of school and in the workplace, stuttering can pose hurdles in a professional setting. Job interviews, phone calls, client meetings and presentations can be daunting. If you avoid these things, it can potentially affect your career advancement. So to play it safe, you may gravitate towards careers where there is no speaking, or at least where speaking is minimized.
In summary…
It’s important to understand how the environment impacts you. So that no matter where you are, whether you’re at home, school or work, you can see how your environment affects you and your stutter. Now, the solution isn’t avoiding triggers. If there are triggers getting in the way of you living life to the fullest. These individual triggers need to be addressed with courage and resilience. If you’re a sensitive individual, it's crucial to immerse yourself in environments where you can thrive — rather than be stuck in survival mode
There's a quote: "When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower." When you’re mindful of your environment, making sure you’re in a supportive one becomes essential. This is where you can seek out nurturing relationships and positive surroundings to encourage your true self to shine.
In social interactions and activities, do you find yourself avoiding or keeping your distance? Do you feel intimidated and find yourself stuttering more when speaking to people you don’t know, especially authority figures? Can you speak just fine when alone or with a pet? Oftentimes, stuttering only comes out when in relationship to other people. Why is that?
When it comes to relationships, it’s all about having emotional safety, which is just as important as physical safety. Emotional insecurity is a feeling of unease, nervousness and self-consciousness. If you grew up not feeling safe around others, this can leave a lasting impact. This is where childhood experiences heavily influence our sense of safety in current and future relationships.
Emotional insecurity can also be triggered by our own feelings of inferiority, specifically around stuttering. Given the stigma that still surrounds stuttering in society, it makes sense that you might still be feeling insecure and emotionally vulnerable in the presence of others.
On the flip side, emotional safety is when you feel internally relaxed and at ease with another person. When we feel psychologically safe, we can let our guard down and reveal our authentic selves.
In summary…
It’s important to cultivate emotional safety within relationships. When you experience psychological safety with others. It allows you to take risks, be vulnerable, and make mistakes without fear of judgment, shame, humiliation, or punishment. When you surround yourself with supportive people, places, and experiences. You lay the foundation for your emotional well-being, fostering self-assurance and confidence.al. This is where you can seek out nurturing relationships and positive surroundings to encourage your true self to shine.
Do you find yourself harshly judging and criticizing yourself when you stutter? Do you engage in negative self-talk about yourself because you stutter?
The most powerful tool you have is your mindset, which is shaped by your thought patterns and beliefs. Your mindset plays a significant role in how you perceive yourself and the world around you. There are 2 kinds of mindsets:
A fixed mindset feels rigid and lacks flexible solutions. If you lean toward negativity with a fixed mindset, it colors your self-perception and outlook on others. A growth mindset embraces expansiveness and flexibility. If you lean toward positivity with a growth mindset, it allows you to see opportunities in life
In his book “From Stuttering to Fluency”, Gunars K. Neiders, “Speaking at a public meeting will not make you anxious; and stuttering does not make you feel ashamed. Your thoughts about speaking at a public meeting make you anxious; and your thoughts about stuttering make you feel ashamed.”
Your thoughts have a tremendous power to impact you and your thoughts are reinforced by the self-talk you use. It’s important to remember; what you say to yourself matters (even more than how you say it).
Each situation in life is interpreted through your thoughts and beliefs — either about ourselves or what we think others are thinking. It’s normal to engage in self-talk, but the crucial difference lies in whether it is positive and constructive or damaging.
In summary…
It’s important to be mindful of your thoughts and their impact. When you embrace a growth mindset and use compassionate self-talk. It empowers you to face challenges, such as stuttering, with resilience and self-assurance. With the power of words and your thoughts, you can transform your self-perception, build self-esteem, and approach life with hope.
When it comes to your feelings, do you find it easy to express them? Or do you often suppress them, protecting yourself from the possibility of judgment or being vulnerable? Stuttering goes beyond the mechanics of speech disruptions. It intertwines with complex emotions that shape your experiences.
Let’s explore some of the deeper ones you might experience:
Shame: This feeling arises when you believe that stuttering is something to be hidden. Shame leaves you feeling deeply flawed, that something is wrong with you. Shame thrives in isolation and it can take a toll on your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. If you’ve stuttered since childhood, shame tends to be deeply ingrained. And if you’re a highly sensitive individual, shame can feel even more intense. Healing from shame is possible, one way is through positive connections with others
Fear and anxiety: These feelings are kept alive when you avoid speaking situations that are challenging for you. It’s biologically impossible to get rid of fear, as it serves as a protective force, alerting us to potential physical harm. Even though fear and anxiety are sometimes used interchangeably, there is a difference. Fear is usually in the immediate and present moment. And anxiety arises from the future, triggered by the anticipation and chronic worry of upcoming speaking situations. The trick is to know the difference between real physical harm and threat of perceived emotional harm. Notice that I said ‘perceived’, which goes back to your thoughts on the situation. Change your thoughts and it will change your feelings.
Anger and frustration: These feelings can also be triggered, stemming from the struggle to speak. Added effort and negative feelings can create even greater dysfluency. You might put great pressure and make harsh demands on yourself to control your speech perfectly. This sounds like, “I must not stutter” or “I must have total control over my speech!” But in doing so, tension is created in the body, only leading to more stuttering. You don’t need to try so hard. Give yourself permission to take off the pressure and allow yourself patience to speak. This will naturally release tension in your body.
In summary…
When you understand and embrace your emotions, it allows you to be your authentic self. To overcome shame, remind yourself of your inherent worthiness. Feelings like fear and anger in itself are not bad. It’s about finding positive ways to express your feelings to release inner tension that will then increase fluency. When you practice self-compassion and allow yourself to feel your feelings, you empower your true self to shine.
When speaking, do you feel relaxed and at ease in your own body? Or do you feel tension and tightness in certain parts of your body? Do you hold your breath or tense your mouth and jaw? This is the physical manifestation and experience of stuttering.
This tension creates speech disruptions like repetitions, blocks, spasms, or prolonged sounds, often accompanied by facial and bodily contortions. These are the visible and audible manifestations of stuttering
I was surprised that when I was in a speech therapy program that how my body works, which includes the brain and nervous system, was never explained to me. I think this is critical information. It removes the mystery of what is going on in your body when something is happening. It's essential to recognize that your brain and body are functioning exactly as they were designed to — protecting you.
If you’ve struggled with stuttering for a long time. It becomes a conditioned and automatic reaction, and very difficult to stop. It can feel like stuttering is happening to you. But you need to be conscious of the fact that stuttering is something you DO.
In my experience, stuttering is the result of overly self-conscious speech production. For most people, speech is an automatic and unconscious process. The problem that lies with stuttering, is speaking has become conscious, and in order to cope, behaviors have been conditioned in maladaptive ways.
A lot of the time, stuttering starts as struggle behavior. But what is the real struggle? Is it really the production of speech? Or deeper emotional struggles in the body, influenced by thoughts and feelings that trigger physiological responses. Feeling threatened or tense activates the body's stress response — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Once any of these stress responses are activated, it’s practically impossible to create fluent speech effectively, or use speech fluency techniques. Fluent speech requires a relaxed body to be successful. A relaxed body is only possible through a relaxed mind, which ties back to thoughts.
In summary…
It’s important to know what is happening in your body when you stutter. There is a lot more going on than just ‘wires crossed up in your brain’. When you are empowered with knowledge about your body. You can be kinder to yourself and know that stuttering is something you do, not who you are. When you understand that stuttering is not a flaw, but a natural adaptation to your environment, this allows you to have more self-compassion.
Do you find yourself avoiding certain people and situations because you stutter? Does your fear of stuttering keep you from leaving your comfort zone? Your behaviour in response to stuttering plays a crucial role in determining your ability to follow through on tasks and achieve your goals.
Behaviours fall into four psychological states or mindsets: Comfort, Fear, Learn, and Panic. Most of us are familiar with the concept of having a comfort zone, it feels good and is safe. If you go too far into the fear zone, it can intimidate you from crossing into the learning zone. And if you go too far into the panic zone, you risk becoming stressed and overwhelmed. Here are some common behaviours:
Covert vs. overt: There is often a natural inclination to hide your stutter. Covert, either hiding your stutter. Or overt, being open about it. It’s essential to be aware of the degree to which you hide behind your stutter.
Struggle: Stuttering is a physical habit reinforced over time, which can also come with struggle behaviours. This looks like overcompensating and straining to create sounds while speaking. These struggle behaviours create tension and perpetuate the vicious cycle of stuttering.
Secondary behaviours: Second behaviours are eye squinting, head jerking, and other bodily movements. Developed as conditioned reactions to cope with difficult blocks during speech. You might believe that controlling your speech at all costs will solve the problem. But what happens is that excessive effort to gain control, actually leads to tension, which then leads to more stuttering. Over time, these secondary behaviours can become a barrier to achieving fluency.
Avoidance: Avoidance is a common coping mechanism among individuals who stutter. While it may provide you short-term relief, it increases anxiety in the long term. Avoidance creates a cycle of fear, making it harder for you to confront and overcome stuttering.
Safety behaviours: Then there is self-censorship and self-editing, which are also safety behaviours. This looks like scanning for “dangerous” words or sounds, or swapping out words at the last second. Verbal crutches and fillers, like "um" or "like," may provide temporary assistance. Once again, these behaviours seem helpful in the moment, but they reinforce thoughts of stuttering and hinder smooth speech production
In summary…
It’s crucial to recognize these safety behaviors and coping mechanisms. They might seem to help in the short term, but only hinder you over the long run. Replacing old habits with new, positive ones is challenging but achievable. Understanding the various behaviors behind your stutter can lead you to take positive steps towards increased and maintaining fluency.
Whew, that was a lot!
Even though I’m at a point where I’ve gained a high level of fluency, it’s not like I’ve “arrived” and never affected by any of these factors ever again. I still have moments where my fluency gets “rattled” and I experience fluctuations in my speech. But now, unlike before where a negative speaking situation would derail me and take me down into a dark spiral of guilt and shame, the difference is that now I have the knowledge and awareness to help me handle whatever comes my way.
Now, when stuttering happens, it’s more like it's sending me a message. I get in touch with myself, with my true thoughts and feelings and look at the meaning I’ve given to a person, or the situation that is bringing up inner tension and conflict within me. I explore the thoughts, the story that I’m telling myself and by reframing and choosing a different story, I change the outcome of my experience
When you can make sense of what is going on beneath the surface of your stutter, it will no longer have power over you. You’ll gain much perspective on yourself and others, you’ll refrain from beating yourself up and find more compassion and self-acceptance.
This is your first step towards seeking the solution that's right for you. This virtual call on Zoom is a relaxed and informal session where we get to know each other better. It's your opportunity to share your current challenges and ask questions in a non-judgmental and safe space. By the end of this call, you'll have clarity on how coaching can help you get back on track to fluency.
45 mins I FREE
This is your first step towards seeking the solution that is right for you. This call is a relaxed and informal session where we get to know each other better. It's your opportunity to share your current challenges and ask questions in a non-judgmental and safe space. By the end of this call, you'll have clarity on how coaching can help you get back on track to fluency.
paige@thehappystutterer.com
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