Published by Paige Smith on 06/08/2024
Research says you have approximately 60,000 thoughts going through your mind, everyday. Who knew, right?
I’m curious…how many of those thoughts do you think are about stuttering? Like myself, and for a person who stutters, it’s not uncommon to think about stuttering all day, every day.
I mean it’s hard to get around speaking, it’s part of our everyday life. So, in this blog post, this is what I will be sharing with you:
Have you ever said these exact words to yourself?
If I was to share my answer with you from my younger self, she would say this:
“If only I didn’t stutter, then I would be HAPPY”
Maybe you can relate? Maybe this is your exact same answer?
I have to be honest, my younger self NEVER put these two words together — HAPPY and STUTTER. I mean, it was not possible. I felt that as long as I stuttered, I couldn’t be happy.
For the longest time, my stutter felt like a huge black cloud hanging over me, weighing me down like a ball and chain.
I didn’t outgrow my stutter.
So as a young adult, I was determined to finally get rid of my stutter, once and for all. When I went for intensive speech therapy, the key thing I learned was how to breathe properly for clear and smooth speech. The days were long and exhausting but I could see the hard work paying off.
I achieved fluency for the first time in my life.
But within months, my fluency started going downhill. I knew the speech therapy techniques but I still felt so much fear, anxiety and shame. So many times I went to use my skills and I felt like my mind and body was being hijacked!
Can you relate? Has this ever happened to you?
In my diary, I wrote:
“I can’t get control of it anymore. It’s controlling me again and I hate feeling the way that I am right now. I was so determined before to become fluent, once and for all, but it’s so difficult. I had good intentions, but maybe that just wasn’t enough.”
Fluency was short-lived. Within a few months, almost all fluency I had achieved was completely gone. I felt so much shame. First, for the stuttering itself. And now, for failing at speech therapy.
So what happened? Why did my fluency not last? I believe a clue is in a line from my diary:
“I had good intentions, but maybe that just wasn’t enough.”
Being gently curious with myself, I wondered, which part ‘just wasn’t enough?’ What was I missing to maintain fluency?
This is when I realized that the missing part was MINDSET. Let’s go deeper to learn these 5 key parts about mindset..
Did you know it’s been said the secret to long-lasting change is 80% psychology and 20% mechanics?
What this means is changes in behaviour accounts for 20% of the effort and it’s the shifts in mindset, thoughts and beliefs that account for the other 80% that leads to long-term change. OK, let’s break it down…
20% mechanics: Speech therapy is important to provide fluency tools and techniques to people who stutter. It’s valuable, but only part of the equation.
80% mindset: In my speech therapy experience, there was a lack of emotional and mental support. Long-lasting change requires shifts within a persons’ mindset, thoughts and belief system.
In my experience, in the short term, effort in changing behaviour through speech therapy produced fluency with tools and techniques. But over the long term, it was the deeply-internalized negative thoughts and self-talk that chipped away at my fluency.
Ok, so what is mindset?
Your mindset is made up of your thoughts and beliefs. Beliefs are thoughts you think over and over again. These thoughts shape how you perceive yourself and make sense of the world.
Imagine…your mindset is like a pair of glasses that you look through, filtering your perceptions which influences your thoughts and thinking.
Why does mindset matter? It’s how you process (and re-process) the events of your life. Your mind processes what is happening and shapes your emotional experience in any given moment or situation. The impact of having a strong and positive mindset is key in developing healthy and high self-esteem.nIt affects daily self-talk as it reinforces our inner beliefs, attitudes and feelings about ourselves.
There are 2 kinds of mindset…
1. Fixed mindset
A fixed mindset sounds like…
“I can’t do it because I stutter”
“I hate making mistakes”
What do you think a fixed mindset feels like? When you come from a perspective of thinking with a fixed mindset…
2: Growth mindset
A growth mindset says…
“I’m not able to, yet, but will try again”
“Challenges help me grow my skills”
Let me ask you…what do you think a growth mindset feels like? Thinking with a growth mindset…
Looking back on my experience and emotional state of relapsing after speech therapy. It was a fixed mindset and judgment of my perceived failure that resulted in my experience of more fear, anxiety and shame.
At the beginning of this blog post I mentioned that you have approximately 60,000 thoughts going through your mind everyday.
Ask yourself…how often do you think about stuttering in a day?
Let’s do the math…
If you think about stuttering 50% of the time during your day, that is about 30,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of thoughts! Right?! Imagine how life would be different if you thought about stuttering less? How much more energy would that free up?
Truth #1:
There's a common phrase: “Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that — thoughts.” Just because you have a thought does not mean you need to believe it. It may feel ‘true’, but it may not be the Truth.
Truth #2:
“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” You can change thoughts, as they’re not set in stone. You can have a thought and change it. You're not stuck with the ones you have.
Truth #3:
“The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” You’re not able to control the quantity of thoughts; but you can control the quality. This means you can decide which thoughts you want to keep or throw away.
Why do thoughts matter? It’s important to understand the true nature of thoughts, because how you think about stuttering — and how you see yourself as a person who stutters — determines your experience of it.
Thoughts influence how you experience life, as an event or situation triggers a thought. This thought then brings a feeling which you feel in the body, which then influences your behaviour and ultimately shapes your experience, either positive or negative. To get a different experience, it requires a new thought to change the feeling and the behaviour.
In the experience I shared with you earlier, it was my thoughts (judgments) about my dysfluent speech after speech therapy that made me ashamed. Some of our thoughts are really judgments and it was my thoughts about being a failure that made me feel like a failure.
What are thinking ruts? They are patterns of unhelpful thoughts that are engaged in over and over again. Thinking ruts are negative and keep you feeling stuck. They feed on fear and anxiety.
# 1 Silver Bullet Thinking
This thinking is the idea that there must be only one simple and fast solution to a complicated problem. I see this all the time, someone seeking a ‘tip’, for a quick and easy fix to relieve the pain they’re feeling.
On the surface, the problem may seem so simple but in truth, underneath, it’s a complex web of multiple things going on, all adding up to a bigger problem. The danger of this thinking is that it sets up unrealistic expectations. Understand there can be multiple layers to a problem that is not easily solved or addressed with a fast and one-size fits all solution (like a cure or magic pill)
Old thought: “I have to get rid of stuttering and become fluent once and for all!”
New thought: “I speak with ease and flow and can take as much time as I need.”
#2 Black and White Thinking
This is also known as ‘all or nothing’ thinking. It’s a tendency to lump and view something in its extreme opposites. Either it’s all good or bad or right and wrong. I hear it in the language of some of my clients…like such as “always”, “nothing” or “never”. To alter this type of extreme thinking, remove rigid judgment so that it allows for things to be in various shades of grey.
Old thought: “I will always stutter.”
New thought: “This is how I speak now and I can improve.”
#3 Should Thinking
Behind this type of thinking is fear of judgment and punishment. It produces feelings of guilt and shame. You hear it in self-talk as “should”, “have to” or “must”. To replace ‘should’ thinking, the solution is to choose to do things out of choice (true power) and not from a place of obligation (fear).
Old thought: “I should be fluent and stop stuttering.”
New thought: “I speak to the best of my abilities.”
“Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.”
How you speak to yourself matters. The most important relationship you have is with yourself. It matters whether or not what you are telling yourself is positive and helpful or bringing you down. Words have energy and feel like either a negative or positive charge. And no words have more power than the ones that you say to yourself. Speak to yourself in a kind tone as kind words provide these benefits:
Are your thoughts tearing you down and hurting your self-esteem?
…or are your thoughts lifting you up and increasing self-esteem?
As for my current self, I can put these two words side by side — happy and stutter.
ME + happiness is now bigger, bigger than my stutter
Wherever you are on your journey, it's possible to accept yourself as a person who stutters AND a person who is also taking steps towards growth and improvement.
© 2025 The Happy Stutterer Inc.
